Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
birth control should be required to get into college
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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