The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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