I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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