i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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