just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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