dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
we're so committed to being not committed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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