they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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