I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize