well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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