it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Please don't give away my fajitas
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