Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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