Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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