So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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