She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
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I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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