I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
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i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
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This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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