Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
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I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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