it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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