omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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