MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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