Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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