I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this beer tastes like vomit already
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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