He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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