Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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