Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize