I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
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