so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
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one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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