My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize