absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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