his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
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I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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