Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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