so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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