i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize