so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She swung at the pinata with crutches
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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