Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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