so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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