Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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