My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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