Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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