I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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