no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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