i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
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Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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