I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
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Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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