you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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