I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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