like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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