Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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