She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize