I just threw up on my dentist
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize