You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
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The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
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Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
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