So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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